I don't want to be thin. Not anymore.

Still Here

Hi Everyone! I am still here and maintaining. Life has gotten very busy and hectic it seems these last three months.

My schedule took on nightmarish proportions and it wore me down. Getting back to speed after surgery has taken more out of me than I thought it would. Of course I will not allow myself to use that as an excuse for my poor habits and choices. My mother's health has taken a down swing (although her being on dialysis was enough) and I have been very worried about her. I am no where ready to go down the road we have coming.

Excercise wise I have NOT been good - had to suspend the gym till Jan '11 and I really am missing it, yet know, just know, that getting back into the routine during the winter is gonna be SO HARD.

Somehow I have been able to handle the food choices, which does give me hope that I have made lasting changes in the mental part on food.

It's late and I am tired...MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all and enjoy your family during this holiday - they mean the most!
Lizzy

Day 96 Counting - Should be Easy Right?

I am a reasonably intelligent woman, so why is counting calories such a trial and tribulation for me? Is it because I feel pretty sure that I will fail at staying within range? Really shouldn't because every time I think that I have I haven't!
Something to work on in my own mind I guess - I am writing it ALL down each day so I have a plan of action and I know honesty in what I eat versus write has to be there.

My weekend was nice hope all of yours was - spent Saturday watching my poor poor vols lose again, glad I know this is a rebuilding year (again) after 3 coaches in 3 years. Those boys heads have to be spinning with all those different styles of play. Love Coach D Dooley though. He has a wonderful sense of humor.

Since my surgery my work outs have not been done, so this week I start back. 20 minutes each day is all I will ask of myself for the first week. Hopefully the Dr will let me back in the gym starting 12/1, then I can ramp it back up to the hour long with weights thrown in.

Watching all the challenges going on out there and most of you are rocking it!! Keep up the good work. I think Allan has become a great cheerleader to us all and most of all he keeps it honest!!!

Have a good one!!
TL

Day 89

All is well - sorry for those that read me that I haven't been checking in. Just been taking it easy and letting things flow as they will.

My surgery went well and I am healing. Will start walking again next week so that I can work back up to my gym time prior to surgery.

Good news this morning ! Lost some more weight. Have to keep that train moving!!!

Take care my friends, I will be back before you know it. Just need to work a few things out.

Thin Lizzy

Day 69

Afternoon All!

It has been asked of me do I think I can move on to better health on my own? Honest answer - don't know and I think it would be foolish OF ME to assume so. If I was able to do this on my own 1- I wouldn't have 69 more pounds to go - 2- would not get such inspiration from all those I read every day.

I have noticed that it is like getting my fix to read all those blogs listed here on the side. I take a little piece of wisdom every time I read them. It can be something as small as a smile but I feel more empowered to make it through the day just from reading and seeing how those before me are conquering (or see the ones having the same issues as me) this journey.

Thank you posing this question to me Michelle ! It really made me stop and think about how I go about this journey in a different light.

Have a good day all!
TL

Day 68 - Still Here

Day 68 and I haven't died, fell over or been harmed in any way! Just goes to show if you work hard it will work out. I have for the last 68 days watched carefully what I put in my mouth and if I ate something I shouldn't; Took note, but did not beat myself up. This approach has been much better for me mentally, I don't get discouraged and just quit.

Now that does not mean that I have given myself permission to go off plan anytime I feel like it or when temptation is staring me in the face. As a fellow blogger has noted so many times you must put the fork down and not partake. I think of myself like a drug addict - so the campaign slogan comes to mind Just say NO!

Took a call today for my pre-cert on the surgery. Talk about scaring the daylights out of you. The questions really make you think about your mortality. And it brings to the forefront why I need to lose more weight, it's not a game not a thing to be done when I get around to it! One question asked was did I have sleep apnea. Was a really good feeling to say I did 10 years ago but lost the weight needed to come off the C-Pap machine!!! It was a motivator let me tell you - the machine drove me nuts, every night in my sleep I would take it off, turn the machine off and hang the mask neatly on my bed post! All while asleep. The day I realized I had lost enough not to need the machine was indeed a happy day for me!! Not going back to that!!!

My time out of the gym has begun, since they won't pro-rate the membership fee for you to be out, yet will waive it for a month with Dr note. I had to do this. But it does not mean I will stop moving, doing the walk tonight and every night until surgery and as soon after as I am allowed.

Did anyone watch my Vols lose Saturday? It was such a heartbreaking loss for those poor boys that played so hard!!! I will admit our team did the penalty but why oh why!!!!!

Later, TL

??Day -

Ok I am not good at posing it seems - as much as I want to share and make myself accountable, sitting down to write is hard.

Lately I have been rather busy which is a good thing, keeps me from putting food in my mouth and bad thoughts out of my head. Those just derail me. Getting ready for my GB surgery in two weeks, got some good books to read and the TV set just right so I can watch in bed. Banana popcicles in the freezer. My sister on the ready to be at my beck and call - hey I have to milk this for all it's worth! At least for a day or two!! Seriously once the Dr gives the ok I will get back to the workouts. Figure he will allow me to walk the track soon after and then maybe a few weeks out I can start back with the weights.

Today is such a dreary day, but I love the fall feel to it. The only thing better would have been to be home cozy in my chair with a good book.

My Vols won their game this weekend and I really don't know how, but I'll take it! We may get a rear ends handed to us next weekend with LSU!

Later bloggerland and thanks!
TL

Food for Thought

"We follow our most dominant thought....so watch what you are thinking"

I saw this on the weekend and it gave me pause. How often have my thoughts been about the negative, how heavy I am and that I am not worth it. Don't have any will power so there is no way I can lose the weight that I need to. Our thoughts do have the power to make us weak or stronger. It's your choice - so as we are all trying to make "better choices" let this be one as well! THAT WE ARE WORTH IT AND CAN DO IT.

It's not rocket science and I can choose to eat the more healthy food and stay away from the high sugar and fat products.

My beloved Vols lost this weekend but they did fight the good fight so I have no complaints. Have a good Monday everyone and remember to watch what you are thinking!

Later...
TL

Saturday

Very late nite last night so I slept way longer than I should have today. Now I just feel groggy. Food choices ok, not eating much and feel yucky. Rough way to lose weight but I think I will take it.

Reading some of the other blogs and everyone is out there working hard and it shows!! Good work people. Not sure if we all would have had the insight/will to do this work when we were in our twenties, but it sure woulda been easier!

It's a beautiful warm day outside and I think I will go partake of it! Have a good Saturday!

Later,
TL

OK when you have nothing to say don't say it,so I didn't. That's why no posting.

Weighed this morning - good news - a 2lbs loss!!!

Yes it makes me happy, but with my surgery coming up I know I will be out of the gym for a month or two and limited as to what I can do. Sitting around makes me nervous. I have done so well on getting into the work out routine I hate to interrupt it. Any suggestions ? The eating I am not really worried about. I think I can handle that by reading and working on my computer plus sleeping (will need that) so that I don't eat out of boredom.

Today has started out really good - a double rainbow outside my window! And I guess it's time to get back to it, Have a good day everyone!

Later,
TL

What is It?

What is it about a nice fitting shirt or pair of jeans that just feels sooo nice? And why don't we remember that when stuffing our faces?

Today I got ready for work and it is casual friday and a football weekend. So of course I pull out my Tennessee Volunteers shirt and a good pair of jeans. Now the jeans I discovered a couple of weeks ago actually fit again. Today I put my shirt on and it's one I wore last year, but as I headed out the door I noticed how loose and comfortable that shirt was. Before when I would wear it it was tight around my chest and the sleeves were "fitting" not tight.

All day as I walked around, it brought a smile to my face to actually feel good in the outfit. A feeling that I had lost and hope to God that I can bring to the front when I am tempted to eat over my calories or not go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning, because I tell you people I am so totally tired of not feeling good. Not good about the way I feel, look and eat.

Not much else of consequence went on today, so now I will focus on my weekend and hopefully do a good job. Well I know I will cause I'll be wearing my jeans and that should make me put the food down - step away - whatever it takes!!!

Later,
TL

Returning to the not so routine. Working out is quasi new to me and sure never thought I would actually enjoy it! However, with that said I can still be led astray on sticking to a set schedule. Rainy morning, sinus' acting up (not breathing easy is a real good EXCUSE)I'm still sleepy. Any of that sound familiar?

So this morning, head hurting and stuffy I allowed myself to stay home in the bed for an extra hour. Now the guilt has set in. This I will welcome as it will keep me from doing this again to myself. Tonight in the heat I will go walking at the park. Not as good a workout but I will be moving and not sitting on the couch.

My weigh in is Friday and I hoping to inch past this 221 number I cannot seem to move past. I have upped my calories, lowered my calories and moved more (with the exception of this morning) and it still has not budged. Although thank goodness it has not gone up.

Football season is here!!! YEAH! My Tennessee Vols won their first game! Now next week we get to see how they play with the big boys.

Later
TL

Numbers

This weekend I was reading my daily inspirations (your blogs) and noticed that some have what day and week they are on for this journey. Now why did I not do that? It made me think about it (ok no jokes about smelling my brain burn!!). My conclusion - it scares me. If I put a number on what day I'm on will I ever get where I am goin? What if I get there and I am still 70lbs overweight? Then you have the number on the scale !!! Reading over this I think at this point it looks like I am just whining ! Need to get over myself.

Each day is a challenge and sometimes I conquer it and some I wimper through. BUT I do get through it and live to see another day.

GO VOLS!! T

TL

Posting & Reading

Well I really do try to post daily but it just doesn't happen. Most days I am just too tired to have a coherent thought. Today I caught up on all my blogs - boy there are some amazing people out there! They are doing it!!! I want to be one of you! :-(

One day at a time is not only a mantra it truly does work, but you can get so discouraged when you know you are eating good, exercising and moving more and yet you see no change. Yes I see a change in how I approach food - not scared of it anymore - and I make waaaaay better choices (good choices as Sean would say!) but......

Worry is what I seem to be doing now - worry that I will go back to the junk, worry that my exercise routine is not enough ( cause at heart I am a wimp ), worry my health is going down, worry worry worry.

On the good side I did up my weights just a tiny bit this week, feel a pleasant (sorta) soreness in my muscles this week. No gains Thank you very much! My great neice and nephew are coming for a visit this weekend and I am so looking forward to seeing my little sunshines!

Later Bloggerland and for all of you out there that are doing so well and encouraging us - GOOD JOB! Michelle, Sean, Shane, Dr Fit, Tracy, etc you know who you are!!! Superstars!
TL

NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

Noticed something this morning. I was getting complacent about my weight and this journey. I lost some weight, clothes are fitting and yet I am not going forward. So why am I still doing the same thing over and over? Eventually I am gonna get mad and upset and then the apple cart will be knocked over. Just another excuse to eat what I want.

Not gonna happen!!!!! Starting tomorrow I need to up my routine at the gym, and if that does not jump start me then I either need to cut back on the calories or up them. Any suggestions?

It's amazing how much my attitude of losing weight, changing my lifestyle (whatever you want to call it!) has been different this go round. I wonder if getting older actually helps you in that regard? Being a part of the crowd is just no longer as important to me now. I want to feel better, prolong my life, come off medicines and yes my vanity says fit into some pretty clothes.

Keep me in your thoughts (as I will all of you!) I'm gonna need help!
Later,
TL

Defeat Me? I think not!!

Me and the elliptical machine at the gym have a love hate relationship. However, I am determined to not let it defeat me!!! My knees really hate that machine, so much so that I have only been able to stay on it for a minute and a half. That is the longest, but every time I am at the gym I plan on getting on it. One day my knees will not make me get off.

This same attitude is how I am approaching this weight loss deal, it will not defeat me. I may have down days I may have days I don't do really good on the calorie count. BUT I have already won because I look at things more closely now. Before I would eat if I liked it and wanted it. These days I weight my options and if I must have it I do, but in a smaller portion. This is such huge progress for me!

My sister has a saying and I always remember it when I am trying to make a decision about something. "It's a potato chip moment." Either you do or don't - nuff said.

later!

Routine

It's a good thing to have a routine and stick with it. However, if you are like me staying with it is not always easy, cause I get bored!!!

But if I had just stayed with it yesterday, my side mirror would still be on my car. First of all I gave into the need/want for one more hour of sleep that morning and then ALL I had on my mind was a diet Dr. Pepper drink, that's all I asked for!!! So here I am going down a road I do not normaly travel going to work from the GYM, and I look up to see a van in my lane. Don't ask me why I turned my wheel to the right and went down the ditch and back up. Thank the good Lord I did though. Otherwise I would have been hit head on. So it could have been worse and it wasn't. One little cut on my neck from flying glass and really shaken nerves.

So starting Monday I go back to my routine of gym in the morning before work. Talk about a kick in the pants.

Are there others of you out there that have those clothes in your closet that you just can't get rid of even though it's been a while since you wore them? I actually gave most of them to Goodwill six months ago, but I kept a few really nice suits as I was determined to get back into them. Almost there!! Tried them on today and I can wear them out if I wanted to, but to really look great in them I need another 5 to 10 off. I will do it by the end of the year for sure!! My next goal after that is to not be able to wear them because they are too big.

Weekends are harder for me than the week, beacuse once again I am out of the routine. Lunch is one hour out of the work day, can't have a full course meal and you don't seem to eat as much. Lunch on the weekends are endless and you have more choices. So far I have done good but I struggle with weekends.

Thanks for reading, later!

Doodleing & Commitment

HI everyone, sorry I have not been good at writing lately. It seems not only do I have trouble with the weight thing the writing ain't so good either! I think all through the week of all the topics I want to write about and then I finally sit down to do it and blank out!!! Or is it selective memory?

The GOOD NEWS is I have lost 2 more pounds. With gallbladder surgery coming up I really want more weight off, I do not like the thought of going under with all this on me. Any little bit will help I know. Also, with a recent visit to my doctor my numbers are down!!! So even with my cholesterol a wee bit high even my dr only asked me to go on Fish Oil, no meds!!! That really made my day.

I have been back in the gym for 2 1/2 weeks and feel comfortable again with it. I go three days a week for one hour. In the next few weeks I am going to try to work up to 5 days in the gym. Just think a little more commitment there will be a benefit to me. It seems like I doodle at times with this weight thing. You know work a little this week and think I have just done SO Much when really all I did was break a small sweat. My eyes are open and my walking shoes are on now!!!

Even my sister is going to start walking this week. We are going to a college football game in November and there will be a fair amount of walking involved and we need to be able to do it! Hopefully the weather will be cooler by then.

BTW- there is just so much encouragement and support here in the blogging world and it really does help to see and hear it. I learn so much just reading the ones out there!! Thank you all !

Later!

Ok just a quick note to say I am still and struggling to keep up the good habits. Been really busy lately or not feeling well so this post is short and I will get back to it later in the week.

Keep steady and straight!

What Day is IT?

Guess I need work on the accountability of blogging. I simply have not been able to post, not sure what I want to say and yet have a lot to say about this journey. Guess I am not sure if anyone (least of all myself) wants to hear it.

Learning this counting calories seems almost too easy and I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall and get frustrated keeping up with the count. So far I have been able to and stay right on or a little over. Surprised myself there. One thing that seems to have been good for me is I pay attention to food labels and what I am putting on my plate. Before if it looked good smelled good it got eaten. Progress!

I don't know where I got the idea that this weight would fall off like tender meat on the bone (figures I would use a food analogy)within a few months -- it didn't get put on that way!! It was consistently eating whatever I wanted too. Taking the time to lose the weight is not a bad thing it lets me get into the habit of eating correctly. Again progress. Need to remember baby steps and it will become normal for me.

Later,
TL

Day 2, July 28, 2010

Ok so maybe I can do this. Went into adding up my calories for the day thinking I blew it, but SURPRISE I actually came in under. Now does this mean I actually made good choices or got lucky ? It seems like it takes alot to keep up with these calorie counts, but there are a lot of tools out there for it. I feel like I may slip here just because I will get tired of "keepin" up with it.

OOPS forgot to list my weigh in from Monday morning, 223; which is a 2lb LOSS for the week.

Now for full disclosure that only makes this a good half day. I wasn't able to get into the gym today (bad schedule for the week) and probably not for this week, my idea to walk in the evenings to take it's place hasn't happened yet. The heat here is awful and it hurts to breathe sometimes. However, going to the gym is not a "chore" anymore and that surprises me no end! If anyone had told me a year ago I would look forward to my gym time I would have told them NO WAY. Pretty soon I am gonna have to stop doodling around and change up my routine as it is almost too easy. But I have surgery in October and will probably be out for a month then and it will be so hard to start over on the routine. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The water challenge Kenz and Sean started has been great for me. I am up to 10 glasses a day and that is coming from a girl who put away some diet coke in a day. THANK YOU both for getting me on that right track.

Just started reading the weight loss blogs out there (yes Sean's article got me started too) and there are some amazing people out there doing so good on their journey I hope that I can do as well as them! Thank you all for being such inspirations and just someone there so that we/me are not out here alone trying to do this.

Good night All,

Day 1 - Oh Boy

Day 1 - Can I do this? Will I do this? I think I can I think I can. This will be my mantra for the days going forward.

Food has always been our comfort, entertainment, livelyhood and just dawg gone GOOD! Too much, too often for too long. I can say I am working on this for my health and my family but the truth is I AM DOING THIS FOR ME!!!! At my highest weight (264) I just didn't "see" that I had a problem and maybe I didn't (as far as accepting myself) but let's face it at that weight you have a problem, health issues, perceptions, and if you are single (such as myself) relationships definitely don't go where you want them to or with who.

This blog is hopefully going to help with the accountability - I really need you out there to read and keep me on the straight path! This first day was not without hills to climb. Did I climb them or go around them, well...................went over on my calorie limit but found myself looking at my choices much more than I have before. Several years ago I would never have said let me have that Jr Burger instead of the Biggest one you got. Now I actually think about the choice I have to make. Progress!!

Later!